I'm a straight-shooter. I won't candy-coat it. That plan you had... that vision of fatherhood... it's irrelevant now. Go ahead and mourn. Go ahead and let yourself be angry. Affix blame on whomever you'd like. Yell at God a little, he can take it.
Are you done?
Now here's the deal. Your son's path will be different. I'm not saying he is incapable of anything. I believe our kids can do ANYTHING their hearts desire. But that's the catch. It has to be something HIS heart desires, not yours.
He has to set the course. You have to let him steer the ship. The more you try to force him into your preconceived image of growing up, the more trouble you both will encounter.
Learn to be his foundation as opposed to his leader.
Let go of Little League if it doesn't interest him. Try gymnastics if he enjoys it. Learn to find pleasure on the Merry-Go-Round if the roller coasters scare or overstimulate him. Let him watch Barney on TV even if all the other kids are watching Spiderman. Does it really matter that much?Start scoring your days based on the number of times he smiles, rather than the number of times he acts like a typical kid.
And for God's sake... go hug your wife.
Stop giving a crap about what anybody else thinks. Put your kid first. I mean really, honestly, completely put him first.
Then watch the miracles happen, my friend.
Well said!! This goes for us momma's also. I know that when I found out that I was pregnant with a son I had dreams and goals for his future! I opened the unlabeled can and wanted the peaches but got sauerkraut! I love the spice James brings to my life everyday!! (This reference is from one of my most recent blogs http://laughtercouldbethemissingpiece.blogspot.com/2012/05/why-is-it-okay-for-cat-but-not-for-my.html Never been a great lover of surprises but I am learning!
ReplyDeletebeautiful advice for ALL parents!
ReplyDeleteThat was beautiful just beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteYes Yes Yes
ReplyDeleteohmygoodness, I love this so much!
ReplyDeleteWell said!
ReplyDeleteWell said!
ReplyDeleteThis is really beautiful, and so well written. Thank you for sharing. I'm a blogger, too. I write about my experiences with autism as a big sister and a behavioral therapist. I'd love you to check out my blog sometime.
ReplyDeleteWonderful...just so wonderful...: )
ReplyDelete"Where there is great love, there are always miracles."
ReplyDelete-Willa Sibert Cather-
Your family, most especially Eric is so blessed to have you as a dad. The world is a better place because of fathers like you. :-)
Such a poignant and bang-on post. I wish I'd read it back in 2006, but thankfully figured things out on my own quick enough. Thank you for sharing...
ReplyDeleteThank you for this wondeful post! I really needed to hear this tonight!!! www.courageandcoffee.com
ReplyDeleteWe have finally reached our path of acceptance...autism is now our lives aswell as our childrens. we are embracing the fact that we are all "different not less" and are working with autism instead of against it. ive read the agrues for and against change/cure and my philosphy is now..whether i want to remove the autism or not is irrelevant, i cant and living with the hatred of autism will only make you miserable...let it go..we can not change a thing so move past it and learn to love...
ReplyDelete"That plan you had... it's irrelevant now." This one line says it all when battling with "other" people's reactions/opinions - AND our grandchildren go their chosen Special School (in UK) mainly because "Does it really matter that much?" is the ethos of the head teacher & staff there they call it DIRM (DoesItReallyMatter)..hearing her say that helped us more than anything. You sum up saying "Stop giving a crap about what anybody else thinks."...our daughter and son in law have learnt to do this, and now I must do it too before it undoes all the progress we have made
Delete"That plan you had... it's irrelevant now." This one line says it all when battling with "other" people's reactions/opinions - AND our grandchildren go their chosen Special School (in UK) mainly because "Does it really matter that much?" is the ethos of the head teacher & staff there they call it DIRM (DoesItReallyMatter)..hearing her say that helped us more than anything. You sum up saying "Stop giving a crap about what anybody else thinks."...our daughter and son in law have learnt to do this, and now I must do it too before it undoes all the progress we have made
ReplyDeleteStart scoring your days based on the number of times he smiles, rather than the number of times he acts like a typical kid.....or in our case the number of times they make us laugh in a day !!! Which is a LOT bless 'em xxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteWhat a BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, post... Your words apply to all parents, not just parents of children with special needs. Your words have made my day. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI believe *everyone* should treat their child that way. It's called parenting.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this wonderful post .... My daughter just diagnosed HF Autism .... we are still learning so much about her .... I can't help but cry ..... what you said are all true .... this is a great advise to all parents.
ReplyDeleteALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS FOR THE GREAT DEED HE HAVE DONE FOR MY DAUGHTER?
ReplyDeleteMy daughter suffered from autism for more than 2 years which we started experiencing in her when she turned 1 year and 5 months we all thought it will end but got even worse as days went by. We tried all several treatments and therapy prescribed by various doctors we met but to no avail, she lost total concentration and always complain of sensitivity to sound . She usually tells me she haves poor eyes contact. This were steady disorder that disrupted her entire life, even at night she slept less because of this.It was during a casual conversation with a friend that i learned about Dr Williams herbal medicine I was able to contact him on his email address. and give him all the necessary information that he needed,few day later he sent me the herbal portion and his medicine was able to restore her back to normal and she is very okay now without any side effects whatsoever. If you have autism, do not hesitate to contact him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product. I hope this also helps someone out there
ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS FOR THE GREAT DEED HE HAVE DONE FOR MY DAUGHTER?
ReplyDeleteMy daughter suffered from autism for more than 2 years which we started experiencing in her when she turned 1 year and 5 months we all thought it will end but got even worse as days went by. We tried all several treatments and therapy prescribed by various doctors we met but to no avail, she lost total concentration and always complain of sensitivity to sound . She usually tells me she haves poor eyes contact. This were steady disorder that disrupted her entire life, even at night she slept less because of this.It was during a casual conversation with a friend that i learned about Dr Williams herbal medicine I was able to contact him on his email address. and give him all the necessary information that he needed,few day later he sent me the herbal portion and his medicine was able to restore her back to normal and she is very okay now without any side effects whatsoever. If you have autism, do not hesitate to contact him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product. I hope this also helps someone out there